We all love to indulge once in a while. Shit, I ate half a sheet pan of brownies last night once. Am I proud of it? Yes and no. I know it was roughly a days worth of calories. I also know that brownies are fucking delicious, fudgy, and the solver of all problems.
Being able to navigate the ol’bakery case is an important part of any betch’s life. So, to ruin your day and, simultaneously, save you a lifetime of thunder thighs, here are the eight WORST dessert items you can eat from a variety of places that you probably shouldn’t be frequenting anyway:
1. Uno’s Chicago Grill Mega-Size Deep Dish Sundae
Alright, anything with a name like that shouldnt have a place on a menu, period (except at, perhaps, a Chuck E Cheese birthday party for a bunch of 5-year-olds who clearly need a sugar high). When you create a pizza out of dessert items, you make Richard Simmons cry. Anytime I encounter a food itemnot just dessert, but a food itemthat wants to enter my body at about 2,700 calories, I scream. Whoever created this sold their soul to the devil in exchange for diabetes. Also, what are you doing in an Unos? Are you 15 and out on a super cool date with your jock BFabout to go see the latest PG-13 flick? Next.
2. Friendlys Crowd Pleaser Sundae
In all fairness, this one is AIMED at a GROUP. So the next time you and your friends head to the nearest Friendlys (again, where do these exist? I vaguely remember one tucked into a dark strip mall in Connecticut, but I could have imagined that), grab a Crowd Pleaser Sundae and indulge in all 2,470 calories and 235 grams of sugar. Or you should just buy a couple of guns and shoot yourselves to achieve roughly the same outcome.